Be Mine

In a follow-up to last week's Bachelor blog...

ABC wasted 35 minutes on reliving past overnight dates. I admit that I have been watching since season 1 with the freak Aaron who goes down in infamy for being the stupidest Bachelor ever by not choosing Trista. Because we all love Trista. And she went to Miami. But our love for Trista multiplies when she is with Ryan (who looked amazing during their interview wearing his little winter hat, which reminds me, Travis also looked amazing whilst wearing his little hat on the date in the Alps with Susan - note to readers of the male variety: wear winter hats, they're hot). I lost touch with Bachelor television somewhere in the middle. Some of the interviews were with people I had never seen before in my life. However, the key point in this segment - only 3 couples are still together, only one of which is married, one of which is engaged, and the other (whom I didn't know) are just living together. Another highlight was seeing Tina Fabulous. I vote her the next Bachelorette.

Finally, at 9:35 pm, we get to see Travis preparing for his dates. First up is Moana. (Sidenote: did anyone else notice that the girls were in the same order as last week? Is it always like that?) Moana is hot. As she approaches Travis in the boat, she looks like she belongs in Italy. She is gorgeous, she dresses well, and she speaks their language. How can Travis not be smitten with her on this date? First they were attacked by the killer pigeons. As I yelled for Moana to run away, run away so her beautiful clothes wouldn't be pooped on, they just laughed. How can you be attacked by killer birds and laugh? I hate birds. Birds are creepy. This remains the reason why I will continue to eat chicken and turkey and be okay with it. Birds are gross. And dirty. Surprise hit me when they were having their discussion at dinner. Travis said that he wanted her to know that while he was on this date, all the other women disappeared in his mind, and there was only her. He went on to rattle some nonsense about how he's never cheated on a girlfriend and he never will. Um, Travis, what do you call making out with 3 women who you consider girlfriends? Three women Travis. Three. Prior to this episode, you were just playing the field. But now, each one of these women is attached to you. This discussion led me to believe that Travis would not be sleeping with any of the girls. Though I'm fairly certain Moana tried to get some action and I'm also fairly certain that Travis probably had to take a cold shower.

Sarah. I love Sarah. But I didn't love that hideous mustard-colored sweater. Who advised her on that? Who? I wish Stacy and Clinton had been there to burn that thing. They go on a Ferris Wheel, then get a massage...and Sarah tells the camera that she needs Travis to stop pecking her and kiss her fo' reals. Later they go to this disgustingly formal dinner and Travis immediately presents the card to her. He knows they need to be alone. He knows that the whole dinner is not them at all. They pirate the food and retreat to the Fantasy Suite where they sit on the couch and have some serious discussions. Travis asks her about her views on the others. She tells him what every single one of us is thinking, that Moana and Susan don't seem suited for him. They are both great girls (minus Susan) but she would never pick them for Travis. However, she feels that she is his perfect match. She is not used to moving fast in relationships, but she would want nothing more than to take their relationship back to Nashville and see how it progresses. We love Sarah. And finally, Travis kisses her fo' reals. A lot.

You all know that no matter what kind of show Susan was putting on, she was acting it up. And she was bad at it. During the dinner portion of the date, it seemed like we were watching a soap. A soap in which my roommate and I commentated, "Oh Antonio, I, I don't know how to tell you this. Antonio, I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant with your Father's Brother's Brother's Daughter's Cousin's baby who we thought was dead because your Sister's Husband's Mother's Sister killed in him in cold blood. But he's not dead. I'm carrying his child even though he is in prison now. And we are to be married...tonight."

The rose ceremony. Susan really should have thought twice about that Elvira dress. It was hideous. And she had nowhere to keep her Visine that she needed in the Limo. No surprise that Travis chose Moana and Sarah. He is not stupid. He could see through Susan and her bad intentions. And her fake tears. Seriously, do you think anyone believes that the last thing she thought about when she applied for the Bachelor was exposure? C'mon. I mean, only someone trying to get in the biz uses the word 'exposure' anyway. I never thought about that word, but she piped right up, "Oh Travis. You think I'm doing this for exposure. That never even crossed my mind." Right, and I have a date tonight with Mark Darcy.

Lastly, I leave you with the song my ipod will get sick of playing today, Be Mine by David Gray. Download it here.

Happy Valentine's Day!