Oh Canada

For the superbowl party, someone brought over a projector with which we could watch the game. We had that, plus two other tv's in our apartment. It was actually pretty sweet. However, what was even sweeter was that the guy who brought the projector had to leave early and we got to keep it for the time being. Do you know what that means for Monday night? That's right! A life-sized Travis. A life-sized Travis for TWO hours. My roommate and I were giddy with excitement. It was time for the hometown dates.

First, Travis traveled to California to visit Moana and her family. Moana, the black sheep. Moana, the girl the other girls love to hate. Moana, the one with the rockin' body and gorgeous hair. Moana, the girl with the scary father. And by scary, I mean Silence of the Lambs scary. Dude was all, "You are undermining the sanctity of marriage," as he sat in between his ex-wife and his current wife. I don't care how rockin' of a body Moana has, she is not worth that kind of interrogation.

Where is Winnipeg anyway? I know it's in Canada, but where in Canada? Not that I care because I have been so ready for 'Blame Canada' to leave since her "I thought he was saving his first kiss for me" comment then subsequently thrusting her tongue into Travis' mouth at the first chance she got as if saying, "You may have gotten the first kiss but I got the first tongue be-yatch." The biggest revelation in Winnipeg: Blame Canada lives at home! With her mom! And her brothers! Travis, Travis, Travis. You are a robbin' the cradle!

Then, the date we have all been waiting for, Nashville! Are you freaking kidding me? Sarah and Travis live a half mile apart! Travis' house is on Sarah's running route! I am tearing up just thinking about how Sarah and Travis live less than a mile away from each other, yet it took Paris to bring them together. How great of a story is that? It's like they were meant to be. You could tell when Travis was watching Sarah interact with her students, he was falling for her. The best part of this date: Sarah's father. While she is inside dishing to her mom and aunt about how awesome Travis is and how he is such a gentleman and how they haven't even kissed yet, Travis and Sarah's dad are outside at the grill. "So, what is your favorite kind of meat?" says Travis. "Filet. That's what I usually cook." Later, the parents leave, and finally Travis holds Sarah in his arms and kisses her. *Sigh*

Crap. I forgot about Little Miss Too Good to be True, Susan. I don't have much to say about her except that can't Travis see that she is totally playing him? She is on the show so she can get noticed and become famous. You know in her mind she's all, "I am just using this guy so I can move to California and start an acting career. If that doesn't work, maybe they'll pick me up as the next Bachelorette and I can be just like Trista Rehn." Listen here, SUSAN, you are no Trista Rehn. There is only one Trista. And only one Ryan. There will never be a Bachelorette, or Bachelor for that matter, that measures up to Trista and Ryan. Go home Susan. Go home to Kansas or North Carolina or wherever the heck you came from. It's over. You will not be famous. We don't like you. And apparently neither does your family. They don't buy your act. They made you stay in a hotel for goodness sakes.

And now...the illustrious Rose Ceremony. What! Travis gives a rose to Susan first. TRACH. You best be knocking Little Miss Blame Canada off then. Yes! Moana is next, even after she had the crazy crying fit on camera. That means Blame Canada is going home. And Sarah........from Tennessee. Sweet Action! Yes, Blame Canada is on a plane back to Winnipeg. You did not have a lot in common with Travis. You live at home. With your mom. Go home and cry to her about how Moana is there for the wrong reasons because frankly, we are sick of you.

I can't wait until next week!