Who is that girl I see...

What is it about the year coming to a close that makes us reflective? After all, it is just another day, another month, another year. I generally do not sit and reflect my day before I go to bed at night and I certainly never reflect each month at the end of it. But something about this particular year coming to a close has been making me think a lot about the past three years.

Last night I came across a prayer journal that I started writing in January of 2005. This was only 3 months after I moved to DC and I was still struggling to adjust. At the time, I could count my in-town friends on less than one hand. (One of said people turned out to ruin my life for the next 5-6 months and the other two, well, without them I probably would not have made it through those next 5-6 months and I would have been on a plane back to Louisville.) During that time, I continually prayed for career change and direction. Around August of that year, I was praying about a job interview that I had. At one point I laid it on the line and claimed that I did not understand why God was having me stay at this job, in this area that I hated. Last night, I laughed as I read it because I now know exactly why God had me stay there.

I flipped through the pages, and within 2 or 3 months of that, I had gone to New Orleans for Katrina relief and I was praying for God to strike my heart for the poor internationally. I prayed specifically that I would develop passion and compassion for His people all over the world that were suffering. I told God that I wanted to go out into the mission field somewhere and I prayed that He would make it clear to me where I should go. A mere six months later, in May of 2006, I wrote that I had just been accepted to go on the trip to Uganda. I mentioned my passion for the area and my compassion for the people there. My last entry in that journal stated, "I'm going to Africa. AFRICA! What am I thinking?!"

That first year in DC was a great struggle and a definite low point in my life. I prayed continually that God would show me where to go, get me out of there. I could not understand why I was still there. I struggled with trusting God's plan. I had no passion for anything, let alone international poverty and injustice. Here I am now, a crazy advocate for these very things. I have a job that I know directly benefits children suffering in poverty all over the world. When times got tough in DC, I was more than once tempted to hop back on that plane to Kentucky or to Florida or to anywhere but there. Had I done that, I would have never had the opportunities that came to me. Very few churches have programs like Global Impact, and there I was, at a church more mission-minded than any church I've ever stepped foot in. Had I bought that plane ticket out of DC, I'd still be that selfish brat that moved there in late 2004 that had no clue about international issues, that thought the US needed to fix itself before worrying too much about other countries. I am eternally grateful I am no longer that person.

The last few months here in Colorado have not been easy. I've cried a lot. I've missed DC like crazy. And I've been tempted to hop on a plane and go back to my friends. Reading back through this little prayer journal has shown me that maybe God is right. He did bring me here for good reason. And in time, I'll know exactly why.